4 Key Things that Make a Relationship Healthy, Fulfilling and Sustainable
What makes you and your partner(s) compatible long term? Is it attachment styles? Personality type? The questionable and simplistic idea of love languages? While some of these might feel meaningful to you, they are things that can be worked through if they bring up differences. There are some deeper, more fundamental things that contribute to a relationship’s longevity and people’s compatibility.
Here are four things that can help make a relationship healthy, fulfilling and sustainable for the long haul, and some questions to consider with each.
1. Shared future vision
Do you want the same things in your future? If you want children, what are your philosophies around parenting and can they work together or are they fundamentally contradictory? Do you want a nomadic lifestyle or more stability? Do you want the same kind of relationship style (e.g. monogamous or non-monogamous)?
2. Values
What values is it important to you that your partner shares? Politics? Belief system? Views on intimacy and affection? Are their boundaries something you can respect and yours something they can? When I say ‘important’, I mean things that are non-negotiable for you.
3. Ability to have open, honest conversations
From broadly sharing frustrations or things you’d like to change in the relationship, to open dialogue about specific things like money, responsibilities and needs. Being able to talk about these things, even if they’re difficult or uncomfortable, and trusting that you’ll be listened to and heard; that your partner can hold your concerns, and you can hold theirs – is essential.
4. Self awareness
Knowing your triggers, communication style, how you deal with conflict, why you react to things the way you do. We all come to relationships with our own stuff, and understanding yours is one of the keys in navigating dynamics with another person.
These four things can grow and change over the course of a relationship. Life choices and direction can be decided together; better communication skills can be learned; and personal growth is ongoing. But when starting a new relationship or when an existing relationship feels like it’s at a turning point, it’s important to consider these factors. Where do you land on these questions right now? What are you ready for? Choosing something based on its potential or your hope for it, can often end up leaving you waiting for something – or someone – to change to meet you where you’re at. Compromising in decision making and day-to-day choices is a useful relationship skill, but compromising on your wants, needs, dreams and values to accommodate someone elses, can easily result in you abandoning yourself.
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